Taking care of ZHONG HUI for Dummies
by Insertmanyfandomshere
Summary: A manual for the ZHONG HUI unit.


**Introduction**

**You've got to be either brain-dead or a rabid fangirl to obtain the ZHONG HUI unit, but hey, I got your not-so-hard-earned cash. And there are no refunds! Ha-ha! I doubt you would regrets since most of yaoi archives have this guy in there. Known to be a bigger asshole then the SIMA YI unit and has an ugly rattail growing out of his head.**

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**Comes with...**

**Two (2) hair ribbons**

**Four (4) swords fused with helium**

**One (1) bottle of L'Oreal shampoo (You're buying the rest.)**

**Seven (7) armor/robe hybrid clothes (?)**

**One (1) Zhong Hui's Hair Dryer**

**One (1) hipster scarf**

**Basic Information**

**Name: Zhong Hui (That's the reason why you came here.)**

**Gender: Male (Huh, really? He's still considered male?)**

**Place of Manufacture: China, unknown province**

**Other names: Asshole, Anakin Skywalker, Magic sword guy**

**Famous for: Being an adviser to Sima Zhao. Known to be very smart until he staged a rebellion that killed him with his brand new boyfriend Jiang Wei. Then again, Jiang Wei was planning to kill him anyway. Getting Deng Ai killed.**

**Spouse(s): Unknown (I can't find anything on that.)**

**Children: Unknown (Pht, I'd hate to see a child of his.)**

**Appearance: Yaoi material**

**Build: Very skinny (To the point where you can see his internal organs)**

**Age: 20-21 (F*ck it.)**

**Striking Features: Always looks pissed or smug, the weird stringy thing behind his head, magic swords floating above his head**

**Height: 5'9**

**(Thank you, Suzaku! You removed the penis section!)**

**(Oh, you removed the sexual orientation thing also. Okay, that's good.)**

**Quirks: Twirls his hair, bitchy, complains about simple things, pretty much your high school cheerleader bully**

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**Instructions**

**He will be very noisy since he was forced into the box, so bear with his bitching while removing him out of the box. Of course he'll wriggle out of your arms if you don't ensure he knows you're not a threat. Introduce yourself and put up with his somewhat fancy way of greeting you. (He just says this "I am Zhong Hui. Bow before me peasant!" in a very dramatic way.) If you live in a dump, the ZHONG HUI unit's just going to insult you the entire time he's living with you. Now if you live in a somewhat decent place, he's still going to insult you because nothing is good enough for him.**

**Care**

**Sure, go wash his hair and body while he is slapping you like a fussy baby. Do you honestly think he's going to let you touch his hair with your Cheeto-encrusted fingers? Let alone his body? For food, he is to be treated like a king by feeding him the fanciest of fancy food. Yeah, the French stuff. All of that good s***. Your wallet can't take it? Well, I know you love this bastard so much, so you'll forget feeding yourself. I mean, who cares about you? It's all about him, sucka! **

**How to keep your ZHONG HUI unit Happy**

**If this unit didn't drain you yet of your so-called hard-earned cash, get ready for this. This unit wants anything expensive. This includes hair products, clothes, books (He's a scholar.), and all of that hipster s***. expensive French stuff will get his attention, so get ready to take out loans in the name of this douche.**

**The ZHONG HUI unit will leave you or disobey you if the following happens...**

**Be better than him**

**Be sexier than him**

**Be overall better than him at anything**

**Be an asshole to him (Even he's already one to you.)**

**Precautions**

**He has magic flying swords and he (sort of) knows how to use them, so best if you don't tick him off. Especially when talking about his intelligence and fashion sense.**

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**Special skills**

**-Fluent in Chinese**

**-Can do math**

**-Fashion expert**

**-Hair expert**

**-Nothing else**

**Modes**

**Discount pre-DW6 Sima Yi (Default)**

**Hairgasm (After a long day at a salon)**

**Bitchy Mcbitch**

**King Joffrey**

**Romancing**

**Females: If you like being a servant in a domestic abusive relationship, sure.**

**Males: Phht, the only man he likes is the one in the mirror.**

**Interactions**

**DENG AI: Got him killed. Gets shipped a lot with him for some reason.**

**SIMA YI: This unit kicked his ass. Would kick it again. **

**SIMA ZHAO: Serves him. Flicks boogers into ZHONG HUI'S hair for lols.**

**SIMA SHI: Serves him. Uses up ZHONG HUI'S shampoo to make him angry.**

**ZHANG CHUNHUA: This unit kicked his ass. Made him serve her tea for a time as punishment.**

**GUO JIA: Share voices. They once had an entire argument on whose voice was better despite they sound the same.**

**FAQ'S**

_**Zhong Hui wiped out my account buying all of this fruity hair stuff!**_

**I did warn you on how he wipes out your savings.**

_**I'm sick of his voice.**_

**Well, kill him. He's defective anyway.**

_**He's nice to me.**_

** Take advantage of him! This happens never, so make the most of it before he's a bitch again!**

_**Is he gay?**_

**You tell me. I don't know either.**

_**Does he poop?**_

**Aw, you're so silly. You know pretty men and women don't poop! You silly, you silly. That's for commoners!**


End file.
